What Once Was Found

Dear Vivi -

Yesterday was the second leg of our two-day drive to Pennsylvania to spend Christmas with Mommy's family.  Because of that, I couldn't blog like I wanted to, but you need to know that we didn't forget what yesterday was.

It was the anniversary of the day you were found.

We know some of the details, namely the date and a vague location - a street corner in the city of Anyang.  But we will probably never know the name of the woman who left you, nor for certain the reason why you were left.

Mommy follows the blogs of many other people who have adopted children with special needs from China, and a lot of them choose to keep the nature of their child's special needs from the general public.  Everyone has their reasons for sharing or not sharing, Vivi, but we have chosen to share.  I hope you're not angry with us someday for making that decision.  There are two main reasons we did:

1. Your need is very obvious.  There's no way to hide, even if we wanted to, the fact that you can't walk on your own at 2 years old.

2. You are so much more than spina bifida.  That will never define you.  Hiding from something only gives it more power than it deserves. We want people to see how incredible you are, and in order to get a full picture of that, they need to know what you have been through, despite how heart-breaking it is.

We owe the fact that you are with us today to the Baobei Foundation and three unbelievable healing families who loved you in your darkest hours, when others would have given up on you. They kept medical and pictoral records of your time before us, and we could not be more grateful.

This is one of the earliest pictures we have of you.  You look so little and helpless.  You were less than six pounds when you were found.

This is from one of your early hospital stays when you were so little.  We learned that you not only overcame the spina bifida surgeries, but you also struggled with pneumonia and even coded in an elevator.  We almost lost you before we even knew you.

But all along, there were people who were loving you.  Unlike so many other children who have to live in orphanages, you were not alone as you went through your medical procedures and recovery.

It's good thing, because you had a rough go of it.  You had a procedure to drain fluid from your skull.

 

You had a procedure that required you to be casted on both legs from your hips to your toes.

 

But we could see that it didn't affect your spirit.

Your first healing family even bought you glasses to make sure you could see your world.

One thing is clear from the pictures that they sent. While you were going through so much during that first year of your life, while you were fighting to live, we know that you were loved.  A woman named Marina, who had been active in the Baobei Foundation but had never fostered a child before, fell in love with you.  She and her family took you in and they were with you through some of your most difficult times.

So while our hearts break that it could not be us who was with you, we are so grateful that someone was there to hold your hand and love you and never leave you alone. Here you are with Marina, your first foster mother.

Your first brother.

Your first friends.

Your foster father.

They celebrated your first birthday with you.

And it's abundantly clear that with their care and love, you began to not just survive, but to flourish.

 

Marina and her family only gave you up because they needed to move back to Portugal.  We are told it broke her heart.  Knowing you now, we absolutely know why.  We can't imagine doing that.  It is a special group of people who foster and love children, knowing that one day they will have to let them go.

We do not know much about your second healing home.  We don't have pictures or know their names.  Maybe one day we can search together.

We do have pictures from your third healing home.  You only spent a couple of months with them and it doesn't appear that you needed much medically while you were there.  Here is what is obvious from the pictures they sent: in such a short time, this family of five - Janine, Luca, Amabel, Fleur, and Philip - fell head over heals in love with you. And you, in turn, loved them back. 

We came to get you at the beginning of December.  Your birthday is December 1, and your Gotcha Day is December 2.  We know that they gave you up sometime on December 1 so that you could be driven to Zhengzhou, where we would finally meet you.

This family took the time, in the midst of saying goodbye, to celebrate your second birthday.  We missed your first two birthdays, but we are so thrilled that your families celebrated with you, with cakes and balloons, just like every child should have.

In this family, you had people who adored you.

You had sisters to be silly with.

One of the things you have done since we've gotten you is call out "Mommy" or "Daddy", and then just lean towards us.  At first we couldn't figure out what you were doing.  Then Daddy got it - when you leaned in to him, he gave you a kiss, and you would sit right back up and go back to doing whatever you had been doing.  Seeing these pictures from your family, we know that they smothered you with love and kisses, and we think it's here that you learned that great little game.

 

Mommy loves this picture.  It's so hard not to be there for part of your child's life.  But we are blessed that someone was always there for you.  And this picture shows a woman who loved a girl.  This is the way a mama holds her baby.  You were cherished.

Your healing family took this picture of you during the last few hours that you were with them; that is how they captioned the photo.  When we got you, you were wearing this same dress.  You were also wearing the same gorgeous smile and, after a little bit of time, that same excited expression.

Now that we finally have you home with us, we think you're doing okay here too.

To us, you have always been a miracle.  Now that we know more of your history, we have had it confirmed.  We are so glad that you are here to stay.

What a difference two years can make.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy