What Once Was Found

Dear Vivi -

Yesterday was the second leg of our two-day drive to Pennsylvania to spend Christmas with Mommy's family.  Because of that, I couldn't blog like I wanted to, but you need to know that we didn't forget what yesterday was.

It was the anniversary of the day you were found.

We know some of the details, namely the date and a vague location - a street corner in the city of Anyang.  But we will probably never know the name of the woman who left you, nor for certain the reason why you were left.

Mommy follows the blogs of many other people who have adopted children with special needs from China, and a lot of them choose to keep the nature of their child's special needs from the general public.  Everyone has their reasons for sharing or not sharing, Vivi, but we have chosen to share.  I hope you're not angry with us someday for making that decision.  There are two main reasons we did:

1. Your need is very obvious.  There's no way to hide, even if we wanted to, the fact that you can't walk on your own at 2 years old.

2. You are so much more than spina bifida.  That will never define you.  Hiding from something only gives it more power than it deserves. We want people to see how incredible you are, and in order to get a full picture of that, they need to know what you have been through, despite how heart-breaking it is.

We owe the fact that you are with us today to the Baobei Foundation and three unbelievable healing families who loved you in your darkest hours, when others would have given up on you. They kept medical and pictoral records of your time before us, and we could not be more grateful.

This is one of the earliest pictures we have of you.  You look so little and helpless.  You were less than six pounds when you were found.

This is from one of your early hospital stays when you were so little.  We learned that you not only overcame the spina bifida surgeries, but you also struggled with pneumonia and even coded in an elevator.  We almost lost you before we even knew you.

But all along, there were people who were loving you.  Unlike so many other children who have to live in orphanages, you were not alone as you went through your medical procedures and recovery.

It's good thing, because you had a rough go of it.  You had a procedure to drain fluid from your skull.

 

You had a procedure that required you to be casted on both legs from your hips to your toes.

 

But we could see that it didn't affect your spirit.

Your first healing family even bought you glasses to make sure you could see your world.

One thing is clear from the pictures that they sent. While you were going through so much during that first year of your life, while you were fighting to live, we know that you were loved.  A woman named Marina, who had been active in the Baobei Foundation but had never fostered a child before, fell in love with you.  She and her family took you in and they were with you through some of your most difficult times.

So while our hearts break that it could not be us who was with you, we are so grateful that someone was there to hold your hand and love you and never leave you alone. Here you are with Marina, your first foster mother.

Your first brother.

Your first friends.

Your foster father.

They celebrated your first birthday with you.

And it's abundantly clear that with their care and love, you began to not just survive, but to flourish.

 

Marina and her family only gave you up because they needed to move back to Portugal.  We are told it broke her heart.  Knowing you now, we absolutely know why.  We can't imagine doing that.  It is a special group of people who foster and love children, knowing that one day they will have to let them go.

We do not know much about your second healing home.  We don't have pictures or know their names.  Maybe one day we can search together.

We do have pictures from your third healing home.  You only spent a couple of months with them and it doesn't appear that you needed much medically while you were there.  Here is what is obvious from the pictures they sent: in such a short time, this family of five - Janine, Luca, Amabel, Fleur, and Philip - fell head over heals in love with you. And you, in turn, loved them back. 

We came to get you at the beginning of December.  Your birthday is December 1, and your Gotcha Day is December 2.  We know that they gave you up sometime on December 1 so that you could be driven to Zhengzhou, where we would finally meet you.

This family took the time, in the midst of saying goodbye, to celebrate your second birthday.  We missed your first two birthdays, but we are so thrilled that your families celebrated with you, with cakes and balloons, just like every child should have.

In this family, you had people who adored you.

You had sisters to be silly with.

One of the things you have done since we've gotten you is call out "Mommy" or "Daddy", and then just lean towards us.  At first we couldn't figure out what you were doing.  Then Daddy got it - when you leaned in to him, he gave you a kiss, and you would sit right back up and go back to doing whatever you had been doing.  Seeing these pictures from your family, we know that they smothered you with love and kisses, and we think it's here that you learned that great little game.

 

Mommy loves this picture.  It's so hard not to be there for part of your child's life.  But we are blessed that someone was always there for you.  And this picture shows a woman who loved a girl.  This is the way a mama holds her baby.  You were cherished.

Your healing family took this picture of you during the last few hours that you were with them; that is how they captioned the photo.  When we got you, you were wearing this same dress.  You were also wearing the same gorgeous smile and, after a little bit of time, that same excited expression.

Now that we finally have you home with us, we think you're doing okay here too.

To us, you have always been a miracle.  Now that we know more of your history, we have had it confirmed.  We are so glad that you are here to stay.

What a difference two years can make.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Sleep in heavenly peace

First Days as a Family of Five

Dear Vivi -

It's safe to say that your brothers really love you.  They may or may not be treating you like a new toy that they want to have and touch all the time, but I'm just thrilled they love you.  We have lots of conversations and reminders that you are here to stay and so they will have plenty of time to play with you - and should therefore not wake you up from your nap while you're trying to get on a post-jet-lag schedule.

You are settling in beautifully to your new life.  We had read all kinds of stories, and prepared for the long haul in waiting for you to bond with us and accept your new home and family.  You, however, have fit right in without missing a beat.  You will go to anyone, but the time Daddy and I spent with you in China clearly had an impact as you look to us when you need comfort or want something, so we feel like we are getting established as key figures in your life.  You are sleeping well (save for that four hour stint in the middle of the night last night), and you have met a few people, all of whom you have charmed.  We're pretty sure that you don't yet realize that this is a permanent situation instead of another healing home, but that realization will come with time.  Overall, we really could not ask for this to be going any better.

Here are some scenes from your first days at home.

Eating a snack with your brothers.

Smiling with Liam.  You look almost as big as he is in this picture!

It takes four people to take you on a walk.  Also, I can see how much fun we're going to have getting everyone to look at the camera at the same time.

Hanging out with Micah.

This might be my favorite.  Micah and Liam are so excited to be playing with you on Liam's bed. Your look of, "What have you gotten me into?" is just priceless.

You'll figure out soon, Vivi, that you already rule the roost in so many ways.  And when you do figure it out, we are soooo in trouble.

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

Home

When love takes you in and everything changes

A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

When love takes you home and says you belong here

The loneliness ends and a new life begins

When love takes you in

"When Love Takes You In"

By Steven Curtis Chapman

Things We Have Learned in China

Dear Vivi -

It's our last day in China!

I've read lots of blogs of lots of people who have adopted from China and almost without exception, the authors talk about how difficult it is to leave their child's homeland behind and how they feel like a piece of them will always stay in the country.  I have had a different experience.  I'm extremely grateful for your birth country, and I'm more thankful than I could ever put into words for the chance to finally get you and to see where you were born.  But this has been a long trip, and I'm so glad that we are finally on the verge of going home.  I don't feel like we are leaving behind a piece of us in your country, but rather taking a piece of it with us in the gift of you. We will teach you all about China, and we pray that one day you will come back to visit and see it all for yourself.  But we are happy to be going home.

We had our consulate appointment yesterday but they're very strict about taking pictures in the consulate building (or even taking your cameras or phones inside) so we don't have a picture of that.  We took an oath, saying that all of our documents were true and then we left them all to be processed so that we can receive your visa today, that last critical document we need to get you to the States.

After that, it was a trip to the Pearl Market.  Pearls are a famous product from China.  I got a necklace and earrings for myself and a set for you, which is intended to be for you to wear on your wedding day, a tradition, although I'm not sure where it started.  And this is the mall where the Pearl Market is located - 5 whole floors of only jewelery stores. Madness.

For dinner, we had room service, which is surprisingly affordable here.  Vivi only enjoyed a little of her pasta - it was pretty garlicky for being marketed as a kids' dish.

This morning, our last day in Guangzhou, we went to breakfast, and then ventured across the street (which actually requires going underground past the subway system) to get to this ginormous park that's in the middle of the city.  It was huge - and tons of people were walking around and taking in the sights despite the fact that it was a Thursday morning. This is just one of the lakes.

A random dance troupe of women.  There are a LOT of these random dance groups all throughout the park.

This is a huge stadium that's at one end of the park.

It really was a very pretty walk. Note the people on the left side of the path with their backs to the camera.  They're actually walking backwards up the hill towards us as we're walking down.  We saw a lot of people walking backwards up hills.  If only we could speak to them to figure out what the deal was.

We hiked the paths for about an hour and a half, all in search of this famous five rams statue.  I don't even remember why it's famous.  To be honest, our guides explained it to us, but that was a few days ago, and when you've seen so many statues in such a short period of time, they really all start to blend together.

You were just excited to finally be able to get out of your stroller and walk at the park - and look at you go only holding one of Daddy's hands!

In front of the five rams statue.

Backs of statues are almost always more interesting to me than the fronts, and this one did not disappoint.
One of the ways that I process events is to make a list of the things that I've learned from them.  It brings focus and clarity to what can become, after a period of time like 2 1/2 weeks, a jumble of different memories and emotions.

So here's a list of some of the things we've learned in China.  We've learned that:

• China has a LOT of people.  Really, a lot.  A small town has 3 million people.  The cities are just full of all different kinds of people and it's fascinating to see them all.
• the Chinese people are mostly really nice.  Don't get me wrong - we have gotten a ton of stares while we've been here, especially since we've had you with us.  But almost everyone has been kind and willing to try out their English with us to help us get what we need.  I feel like a Mandarin-speaking person in the US would be helped less and berated more if he or she couldn't speak English.
• it's perfectly acceptable to spit anywhere and everywhere.  And when I say "spit", I mean really work up a good one and let it fly.  And women do it just as much as the men.
• no matter how westernized it is, Chinese food will always taste like Chinese food. There's a different way of preparing everything and the sooner you make your peace with it, the better.
• smog and air pollution really do have an effect on how you feel and breathe. I've taken for granted having clean air.  Daddy and I have both struggled with how breathing the smog, not to mention the cigarette smoke everywhere, has really made us both feel ill at times.
• orphanages are not the best way to care for orphaned children.  You were only in the orphanage for a few short weeks before spending most of your life in a variety of healing homes.  Having seen the difference between your strengths, language, and abilities as compared to the children who were in orphanages for much longer, we think that America got this one right by largely doing away with the traditional orphanage system.  Nannies and orphanage staff work really hard and do their best, but nothing replaces the dedicated love and attention that a family can give.
•  2 1/2 weeks is too long to go without having your brothers around. They can drive us crazy, and there's no doubt they'll learn to drive you crazy too, but we just miss them too much and, at least for me, it has colored my experience in China.
• CCAI is one of the best adoption agencies to work with, bar none.  Before we left and while we've been here, I've talked to people who have used other agencies, and they have had much different experiences with trusting their guides or even having their guides show up to help them through the complicated adoption process.  We trusted our guides implicitly, and they never let us down.  At each city, they were there to help us every step of the way.  That's worth every penny when you're in a country where you can't speak the language, don't understand the customs, and need to be able to trust someone to help you.
• doing this with a group of others who are adopting is the best way to experience China.  It's incredible to start off not knowing each other at all, watch each other become families, and bond together over this shared experience.
• the things we have missed while we have been here have not been outweighed by what we have experienced.  This is saying something because we have missed a LOT.  A significant portion of Advent, Liam's last preschool Christmas concert (this one in particular broke our hearts), Thanksgiving, time with the boys, decorating for Christmas, etc. But we got you, and somehow it evens out.
• God is here, even in this country where God is not allowed to be.  We can see him in secret places and not-so-secret places, in the smiles of those who identify with us as Christians.  And we can definitely see God in you.

There are so many other things that we could list, but that's what we have for now.  It's time to pack and will away the remaining hours until we can get on that plane tomorrow morning and get home.  We hope that when you can read this one day, you're happy with the notes and pictures that we've kept from this incredible journey, and that we've managed to do it justice.  The next time we write, you will be an official American citizen, which happens the second that you step foot on American land - which for us will be, of all places, Detroit.

We love you, Vivi, and can't wait for the rest of our lives together to start.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

A Full Day of Guangzhou

Dear Vivi -

Today was a very full day.  We're trying to see as much of this part of China as we can before we head home, so this morning we took a cab to Shamian Island, which used to be the hub for all families adopting in China.  It had the White Swan Hotel with the famous red couch that all the adopted babies had their pictures taken on.  The Consulate and the medical offices were there, and it has a lot of shops.  The hotel, however, has been closed for two years, and will be closed for at least one more.  The Consulate and the medical offices have both moved off of the island, but it's still a beautiful place to go and see.

Among other things, they have a beautiful "sculqture" garden.  Or sculpture, whatever.  I have a feeling that someone wrote the "p" in the wrong direction when they were planning out this sign.

The island is full of interesting statues.  What's most interesting about them is that none of them are Chinese.  I'm not sure what that means.

 School children just gather in the local park to do their version of recess as outdoor play space is so limited.

One of the more famous statues in the adoptive family world is called "Lingering Music", and features a woman playing the violin with a line of children behind her.  There is a space between the last two children in the sculpture, and adoptive families have been taking their children there and putting them in the empty space for probably as long as international adoptions have been taking place.  Today was finally your turn!

Because of the school children doing their calisthenics, I couldn't get a good wide picture of you in it, but here you are.

Ah, Starbucks in China.  You taste yummy and you have cool art on your walls.

There is absolutely no horn playing on Shamian Island.  Seeing the sign kind of made me wonder what in the world happened that they felt the need to erect a sign to warn against horns?

Your homeland is full of beautiful landscaping and trees.

 

"It's...smiling at me."  We may be in China for the bulk of the Christmas season and therefore limited on the holiday movies that we're getting to watch, but we had a good laugh over this sign today and thought of "A Christmas Story".

We dined at Lucy's while on the island, a restaurant famous for its American dishes.  It did not disappoint!

We ate with the Cram family.  I asked everyone to smile and pretend like they were having fun eating in China.  Notice that you and Daddy didn't even turn around to look at the camera.

When we got back to the hotel after lunch, we had to wait for the results of yesterday's TB test (blood draw) to make sure you didn't have it.  If you do have TB, you can't leave China.  Needless to say we were really relieved when we go the phone call saying you were all clear!

This afternoon was also group picture time.  First they take a picture of each family, and then they take a picture of the whole group of us together.  Here is the best one of the three of us.

And here we all are - CCAI Travel Group 2044/2044S!!

You did NOT think it was a good idea to put all of the newly adopted children on to a couch to take a picture together.

To close out the day, we took a cruise on the Pearl River.  We opted to take just the cruise and not the dinner cruise, based on our understanding that the "dinner" part of the latter is less than desirable and may or may not include a very scary clown.  Instead we opted to bring Papa John's on board with us and have a pizza party.  (Side note - thank you to Papa John's for having french fries on their menu, which allowed Mommy to have something to eat!)

The sights of the buildings all lit up were really beautiful.

The Canton Tower is the third tallest tower in the world behind the one in Dubai and another in Tokyo.  I had thought that having it all lit like this would be cheesy but it actually is really cool in person. And we know that Liam will love the fact that it's rainbow colors!

A stadium that was built in 2010 when Guangzhou hosted the Asian Olympic Games.  I had no idea such a thing even existed.

The Guangzhou Opera House, modeled to look like Sydney's famous one.

Perhaps the brightest site on the whole boat was this girl, who thinks she is absolutely hysterical - which, of course, you are.  Standing on a chair next to Daddy was the funniest thing that happened to you all day and you let us know it!

Tomorrow we have the Consulate Appointment and a trip to the pearl market. Only two more days and we will be on our way home!!!

Love,
Mommy & Daddy