From Zhengzhou to Guangzhou

Dear Vivi -

Sorry for skipping one day in our adventure with you.  I was just way too tired to write anything coherent last night as we prepared to fly to Guangzhou today for the last leg of trip.

On Friday, December 6, we had a day with no planned outings so we took it easy and went to a park a few blocks from our hotel.  What we didn't know about China before we arrived here is that you practically risk your life every time you take a walk outside the hotel since anyone driving any kind of a small vehicle, be it a motorbike, bicycle, or even a small car, drives right up on the sidewalk.  That's how bad the street traffic is.  And sidewalk drivers do NOT slow down for anything.  Occasionally, they honk. Pedestrians most definitely do not have the right of way in China.

We made it safely to the park.  It was a really beautiful walking park, kind of like what I imagine Central Park might be like.  The only issue was that it was cold, and consequently most of the plant life was dead.  But you can tell that it's the kind of place that is really beautiful in the summer and provides a real respite from the city.

Here are some paddleboats not in use.

A beautiful bridge that crosses the lake in the middle of the park.

Once again, you have to use your imagination...

Today, we got on a plane to go to Guangzhou, were we will do the medical appointment, the Visa paperwork, and the appointment at the US consulate where it all comes together.  This was your first time on a plane with us, and you did great.  Here you are playing peekaboo towards the end of the trip.

You can't resist trying to peek!

There you are!

This is the welcome basket that greeted us at our hotel in Guangzhou. There was also a sample sized bottle of Johnson & Johnson baby wash, but that was already in use by the time I thought to grab my camera.

Guangzhou has a Starbucks in the hotel, a McDonald's next door, and a Papa John's on call.  We know when you read this years from now, Vivi, that you will wonder why we weren't eating authentic Chinese food?  The answer is that we have eaten authentic Chinese food for the better part of ten days, with a brief Subway respite thrown in.  It's time for some good old American eats.  It does wonders for your psyche. And, in Mommy's case, for her ability to fit into her pants again.  Subsisting mainly on rice and Coke for much of the last week has made my pants a little too loose for my liking.

Daddy and you had pizza, and Mommy and you had wings and french fries.  You like to graze everything.  And no worries - it was a little authentic.  I think they use some sort of fish oil the way that we use olive oil in the states, and so everything is slightly different than what you expect because it's all slightly...fishy. I totally forgot to have Daddy take a picture of me sucking down a Frappucino from the Starbucks.  But that's okay because I drank it so fast, the whole thing would have been a blur anyway.

I have a confession to make, Vivi.  This adoption is so much harder than I thought it would be, and for so many different reasons.  It seems simple enough: you feel the call the adopt, you listen to the call, you fill out a lot ton of paperwork, you get matched with an awesome kid, and you go and get the kid and bring her home.  Easy, right?

Wrong.  What we didn't know is that every step is challenging.

The paperwork might not be hard, but the wait for the paperwork to be reviewed at every step requires more patience than I ever would have thought possible.

Reading about all of the ways that parenting an adopted child is different than parenting a biological child is easy, but sorting out what is best for your new child when you've only known them for a few days is a guessing game.

Getting on a plane and going to get your new child that you have loved and prayed for and wanted for so long isn't hard, but leaving behind two little boys that we cherish and adore has been difficult on our best days and truly heartbreaking on our more challenging days.

Learning about your child's needs from a ream of paperwork, half of which is written in another language, can be daunting, but seeing that need firsthand for yourself, trying to sort out in your head what you know vs. what you see, and not being able to confirm anything immediately with medical tests is frustrating in addition to still being daunting.

Hearing about what your child went through before they were in your arms, and how someone else was comforting them in their darkest hours is hard to bear before you actually meet your child, but one you get to know her, the knowledge that you weren't able to be with her when she needed you most will test the strength of any parent's heart.

Experiencing the culture of your child's home country is fascinating, until you realize that it was on these very streets that your 3-week-old daughter was found, abandoned but wrapped against the cold, her abandonment likely a product of the very culture you're now experiencing.

Loving this whole new person that is now a permanent part of your family and dreaming about what she will bring to your family is awesome, until you remember that the very fact that you get to love her and raise her means that the people who gave her life cannot.

Adoption. Is. So. Hard. And there is definitely a place for all of the conflicting emotions I listed above.  If we don't ever talk about them, I think we're doing a disservice to you and how we came together as a family. There is a time and place for those questions, and we promise you, Vivi, that we will face them head on together when the time comes to discuss them.

But if we focus on them solely, then we will miss out on the joy that is you, this smart, sweet, beautiful, incredible child.  You are truly a gift from God, Vivi, and without question you are worth every single crazy part of this process.

So for today we focus on you, and getting to know you, and showing you how treasured you are and how much we love you.  Goodnight, pretty Vivi.


Love,
Mommy & Daddy