Things We Have Learned in China

Dear Vivi -

It's our last day in China!

I've read lots of blogs of lots of people who have adopted from China and almost without exception, the authors talk about how difficult it is to leave their child's homeland behind and how they feel like a piece of them will always stay in the country.  I have had a different experience.  I'm extremely grateful for your birth country, and I'm more thankful than I could ever put into words for the chance to finally get you and to see where you were born.  But this has been a long trip, and I'm so glad that we are finally on the verge of going home.  I don't feel like we are leaving behind a piece of us in your country, but rather taking a piece of it with us in the gift of you. We will teach you all about China, and we pray that one day you will come back to visit and see it all for yourself.  But we are happy to be going home.

We had our consulate appointment yesterday but they're very strict about taking pictures in the consulate building (or even taking your cameras or phones inside) so we don't have a picture of that.  We took an oath, saying that all of our documents were true and then we left them all to be processed so that we can receive your visa today, that last critical document we need to get you to the States.

After that, it was a trip to the Pearl Market.  Pearls are a famous product from China.  I got a necklace and earrings for myself and a set for you, which is intended to be for you to wear on your wedding day, a tradition, although I'm not sure where it started.  And this is the mall where the Pearl Market is located - 5 whole floors of only jewelery stores. Madness.

For dinner, we had room service, which is surprisingly affordable here.  Vivi only enjoyed a little of her pasta - it was pretty garlicky for being marketed as a kids' dish.

This morning, our last day in Guangzhou, we went to breakfast, and then ventured across the street (which actually requires going underground past the subway system) to get to this ginormous park that's in the middle of the city.  It was huge - and tons of people were walking around and taking in the sights despite the fact that it was a Thursday morning. This is just one of the lakes.

A random dance troupe of women.  There are a LOT of these random dance groups all throughout the park.

This is a huge stadium that's at one end of the park.

It really was a very pretty walk. Note the people on the left side of the path with their backs to the camera.  They're actually walking backwards up the hill towards us as we're walking down.  We saw a lot of people walking backwards up hills.  If only we could speak to them to figure out what the deal was.

We hiked the paths for about an hour and a half, all in search of this famous five rams statue.  I don't even remember why it's famous.  To be honest, our guides explained it to us, but that was a few days ago, and when you've seen so many statues in such a short period of time, they really all start to blend together.

You were just excited to finally be able to get out of your stroller and walk at the park - and look at you go only holding one of Daddy's hands!

In front of the five rams statue.

Backs of statues are almost always more interesting to me than the fronts, and this one did not disappoint.
One of the ways that I process events is to make a list of the things that I've learned from them.  It brings focus and clarity to what can become, after a period of time like 2 1/2 weeks, a jumble of different memories and emotions.

So here's a list of some of the things we've learned in China.  We've learned that:

• China has a LOT of people.  Really, a lot.  A small town has 3 million people.  The cities are just full of all different kinds of people and it's fascinating to see them all.
• the Chinese people are mostly really nice.  Don't get me wrong - we have gotten a ton of stares while we've been here, especially since we've had you with us.  But almost everyone has been kind and willing to try out their English with us to help us get what we need.  I feel like a Mandarin-speaking person in the US would be helped less and berated more if he or she couldn't speak English.
• it's perfectly acceptable to spit anywhere and everywhere.  And when I say "spit", I mean really work up a good one and let it fly.  And women do it just as much as the men.
• no matter how westernized it is, Chinese food will always taste like Chinese food. There's a different way of preparing everything and the sooner you make your peace with it, the better.
• smog and air pollution really do have an effect on how you feel and breathe. I've taken for granted having clean air.  Daddy and I have both struggled with how breathing the smog, not to mention the cigarette smoke everywhere, has really made us both feel ill at times.
• orphanages are not the best way to care for orphaned children.  You were only in the orphanage for a few short weeks before spending most of your life in a variety of healing homes.  Having seen the difference between your strengths, language, and abilities as compared to the children who were in orphanages for much longer, we think that America got this one right by largely doing away with the traditional orphanage system.  Nannies and orphanage staff work really hard and do their best, but nothing replaces the dedicated love and attention that a family can give.
•  2 1/2 weeks is too long to go without having your brothers around. They can drive us crazy, and there's no doubt they'll learn to drive you crazy too, but we just miss them too much and, at least for me, it has colored my experience in China.
• CCAI is one of the best adoption agencies to work with, bar none.  Before we left and while we've been here, I've talked to people who have used other agencies, and they have had much different experiences with trusting their guides or even having their guides show up to help them through the complicated adoption process.  We trusted our guides implicitly, and they never let us down.  At each city, they were there to help us every step of the way.  That's worth every penny when you're in a country where you can't speak the language, don't understand the customs, and need to be able to trust someone to help you.
• doing this with a group of others who are adopting is the best way to experience China.  It's incredible to start off not knowing each other at all, watch each other become families, and bond together over this shared experience.
• the things we have missed while we have been here have not been outweighed by what we have experienced.  This is saying something because we have missed a LOT.  A significant portion of Advent, Liam's last preschool Christmas concert (this one in particular broke our hearts), Thanksgiving, time with the boys, decorating for Christmas, etc. But we got you, and somehow it evens out.
• God is here, even in this country where God is not allowed to be.  We can see him in secret places and not-so-secret places, in the smiles of those who identify with us as Christians.  And we can definitely see God in you.

There are so many other things that we could list, but that's what we have for now.  It's time to pack and will away the remaining hours until we can get on that plane tomorrow morning and get home.  We hope that when you can read this one day, you're happy with the notes and pictures that we've kept from this incredible journey, and that we've managed to do it justice.  The next time we write, you will be an official American citizen, which happens the second that you step foot on American land - which for us will be, of all places, Detroit.

We love you, Vivi, and can't wait for the rest of our lives together to start.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy