From One Mother to Four Others

To Vivienne's Mothers - 

Today in America, we celebrate Mother's Day.  It's a day set apart to honor our mothers and how much they mean to us.  In the past, this has meant breakfast in bed, sweet homemade treasures, and time for our family to be together.

This year is different.  This year, I have found myself thinking back to all of you, to the women who helped to shape our sweet Vivi into the beautiful girl she is today. You are very much on my mind.

To Vivienne's birth mother:
I will likely never know your name.  I will likely never know the life circumstances you faced that led to your decision to give your precious daughter away. I will never know what it felt like to leave her, and to pray and hope and wish and anguish over whether or not she would be found and survive and live.

She did.  Oh, she did.

This is probably close to what she looked liked when you made your decision.

I cannot imagine the heartbreak and fear and overwhelming love that one must have to leave her baby.  But I don't judge you in any way. How could I? The only thing I could ever do is celebrate you.  I celebrate your devotion to life and your devotion to your daughter.  I celebrate your choice, the impossible choice, you made.  Because without that choice, I don't have my Vivienne.

If I could tell you anything, I would thank you and say that your baby girl is not just alive, but she is thriving. Several months after you made your choice, this is what she looked like.

It is the first picture I saw of her.

She beats odds and she moves through life at lightning speed, even on legs that are still gaining strength. She is the epitome of joy.

Our girl - yours and mine - is going to do amazing things.  Thank for you for her life.

To Vivienne's first foster mother:
From what we are told, you believed in her from the very start.  You saw through the sick baby with the poor prognosis lying in the bed,

and saw the spark of life her stunning eyes. 

You cared for her at her most vulnerable moments, daring to love a child that was so ill and who would not live with you forever.  You took a chance and loved this beautiful little baby through surgeries and illness and diagnoses. 

And under your care, she didn't just live, she thrived.

A baby who is required to wear leg casts doesn't smile like this unless she is secure in how much she is loved.  In a country where so many abandoned babies are left simply to exist, this is a baby that knew that someone was going to come when she cried, pick her up when she was hurt, feed her belly when it was hungry, tickle her until she giggled uncontrollably.

This is a girl who was so clearly loved.

You celebrated her first birthday together, and after all that you had been through together, what a milestone moment that must have felt like for you.

If I could tell you anything, I would thank you and tell you that when I look at Vivienne and see the ever-present spark of life in her eyes, thoughts of you go through my mind.  Every single time.

You set her on a path not just to survival, but to life, and I am grateful every day that you took a chance on a sick little girl, and loved her to life.

Our girl - yours and mine - is going to do amazing things. Thank you for your faith.

To Vivienne's second foster mother:
You are the woman I know nothing about. I only have a few pictures of her time with you, and none have your face in them.  But I know that you cared for Vivienne for most of her second year of life.  I know that you obviously loved her, as she suffered no setbacks under your care.

I know that you introduced her to new friends and new experiences, like swimming in a pool on a hot day.  I know that you had plenty of toys for her to play with, and that you kept up with her medical appointments.

You didn't just keep her alive, but you helped her to thrive.

If I could say anything to you, I would thank you and tell you that staying the course with Vivi helped keep her on the path to health and wellness.

Our girl - yours and mine - is going to do amazing things. Thank you for your dedication.

To Vivienne's third foster mother:
You came in when Vivi needed a safe and loving place to stay for the last couple of months before we were able to come and get her.  It must have been very hard to take a sweet girl into your home, and love on her so much, only to know that she will not be able to stay for long.

You could have just kept her safe and dry and warm.  But you chose to give her so much more.  You chose to love her and be her mother in every sense of the word while Vivi was under your care.

I know that Vivi became a fashionista under your care, a trait she still has today.  That girl insists on accessorizing everything and she is very stubborn about her choices!  I know that she had the love of a brother and two sisters and a dad while with you, and I know that none of you hesitated to show this sweet girl, in your home for such a short time, the same kind of love that you would have showed a child who is yours forever.

That kind of love doesn't just keep a child alive, but it gives her the strength to thrive.

If I could say anything to you, I would thank you and tell you that your short time with Vivi has made a huge difference.

Thanks to you, Vivi had a beautiful last couple of months of being one, and a wonderful party to welcome her into being two. That's something that a family does.

Our girl - yours and mine - is going to do amazing things. Thank you for your care.

From Vivienne's mother:
The strange beauty of adoption is being able to live with the knowledge that you were not with your baby from the first second she took a breath. Instead, your precious child was cared for by so many others who worked so hard to pave the way for you to one day take her in your arms and love her and call her your daughter.

I want you to know that I cherish each of you for the part you played in Vivi's life, and for the person that she is today and the person that she will become.  You have given yourselves, and the gifts of life and faith and dedication and care will never be forgotten.  I will cherish you each, individually and collectively, for the rest of my life, and never stop telling Vivi that she has four women who were her mother before me, and to whom she, and I, owe so much.

Without you, I would not have my joyful and incredible daughter.

She's been through many hard times, our girl, even since I became her mother.  There have been tests on her little body and assessments of her mind and her abilities.

But through it all, even when they confined her body to take pictures of her brain in a test that would drive most adults crazy, she takes everything in stride.  Her spirit is strong because of each of you.

On this Mother's Day, on every Mother's Day to come, and on every day in between, I will be forever grateful for each of you, for giving me these moments.

 

Our girl - yours and mine - is going to do amazing things. Thank you.

Happy Mother's Day.

Love,
Vivienne's Mommy

The Outward and Visible Sign

 Dear Vivi -

"Baptism is an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace, demonstrating to the world God’s love for us and our adoption into God’s family."   (The United Methodist Church)

"In baptism, God claims us, and seals us to show that we belong to God. God frees us from sin and death, uniting us with Jesus Christ in his death and resurrection."  (PCUSA)

I have always loved the sacrament of baptism. The act of dedicating a child to God, acknowledging that we as parents cannot raise this child properly alone, watching as grace is poured out on to the child in the form of water - are there many more moments when we are closer to God?

Lucia set up a special table in the church on the morning of your baptism.  She set symbolic things on it, including a silk piece of fabric and a bowl that Daddy and I brought back from China just for this occasion.

We got a little tripped up with the candles - or, more specifically, the candle-lighter - but the symbolism of the lit candles and the unlit candles wasn't lost on us.  We will probably never know all the people who loved you and supported you during the first two years of your life, but our family is committed to knowing you for the rest of forever.

Mum-Mum and Pop-Pop were there to witness your baptism.

I love this picture of the two of us.  Even though you can't see it, I'm looking right into your eyes and trying to let you know that the water will be on your head soon.

Checking out Pop-Pop during the service to make sure that he's paying attention.

The bowl from China had been moved into the baptismal font, and then the water was poured into the bowl.

Baptized into the family of God.

Here we are watching you as you're introduced to the congregation, and the congregation is learning that your name means, "alive", "joy", and "gracious" - quite a lot to live into!

You were pretty happy the whole time.

Back with Daddy as we pray at together at the end of your baptism.

Posing in the garden after the service.

Like you, both of your brothers were baptized at First Presbyterian. It is our church home, and it is the community that has supported us and is now supporting the three of your on your faith journey.  They will help you to learn about Jesus.  They will help you to read the words of the Bible. They will help you when you have questions about faith.  They will love you as you grow.

Vivi, it's so important that you understand how much this community has loved you from the first moment they heard we were adopting and saw your beautiful picture.  They have supported us financially, emotionally, and spiritually as we slowly made our way to you. 

I am convinced that they have prayed you here.

What a gift it was to be able to give you back to the community that is already so much a part of you.

And so there is no other place we would want to see you join the family of God than with your family - your whole family.  As you learn to love Jesus, may you always know that you can depend on your whole church family to love you and be there for you.  Just as they have loved us, they will love you.

Welcome to the family.

Love, 

Mommy and Daddy

Maybe One Day Soon

Dear Vivi -

We took you to Shriner's today for the spina bifida clinic.  As usual, you charmed your way through the joint, doing your "hello tour" and greeting every nurse, patient, doctor, and tech with a cute smile and a sweet hello.

We got lots of comments about how cute you are, but the comments we treasured most were the ones about how well you're doing.  How well?  The people who did your braces think you'll need a much less restrictive set six months from now when we go back, and that you may not even need your walker.

You may not even need your walker!!!

We're not getting our hopes up, despite the three exclamation points in that last sentence.  You are always allowed to move at your own pace, although that naturally happens to be super fast and involves plowing over anyone that gets in your way.  And if you end up needing a walker longer, even for the rest of your life, that will be absolutely fine.  If you need braces on your legs or feet forever, that will be absolutely fine. And we mean it.

At the same time, we dare to dream about how wonderful you walking independently would be.

You need to know that all of the doctors that you have seen ask about your "special need".  Honestly, there are times where I have to stop and think about what they're talking about before I realize they're referring to the SB.  It's a non-issue for us, something I didn't think I'd ever say. 

But here's what I didn't realize would happen.  Your personality shines through it and I don't even see the limitations that it has placed on you any more.  You're just sweet, joyful Vivi. The walker and braces give you support, but in no way do they define you or are they part of your identity.  You know what makes you you?

This spunky smile.

This desire to do it "self! self!", as you say.

This desire to be as well accessorized as possible, even when you're sitting at home playing the ipad.

This determination to one day catch your brothers.

This support you have from friends and family.

And with all that, we can dream that one day this reality

might be replaced with this one. Forever.

 

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

4 Months with Vivienne

Dear Vivienne -

We have known you now for four months.  It's funny how you can feel like you really know a person and yet that you still don't know them at all.  And I would guess that, if you could articulate how you're feeling at our four months mark, you would feel the same way.

It's difficult to put into words the challenge of getting to know your daughter after you've missed out on the first two years of her life.  But you've made that challenge so much easier by being such a joy to have around.  You have been light and love and laughter personified into a little determined package.  And you have fit right into our family without missing a beat.  Here are some shots from the last four months.

Is there anyone that can rock a Steak-n-Shake hat better than you, Viv?

Hanging out with your brothers.  It's amazing how much fun an air mattress can be.

I just love it when you smile so much that your eyes disappear!

 I can hear you yelling now, "Liam!!  Liam!!!"

In just about every way, you're a big girl.  Except sometimes when you sleep.  Then can you be just like a little baby again.  But a baby that insists on sleeping with her sandals on.

Around our house, your braces are just a fact of life.  We don't make a big deal out of them because it's not a big deal.  You need them to learn to walk on your own so you wear them.  However, you have this little girl desire for beautiful shoes.  You want sandals and bright colors - basically everything that the shoes that fit over your braces are not. So I went on a mission: find cute shoes that can be adapted to fit over your braces.  And this is what I found.

And this is you wearing the new creation.  I bought them a few sizes too big, and added some velcro to the strap so that they would extend over the brace and voila - new shoes for Vivi!

But really, who needs to focus on shoes when you can wear over mitts as an accessory?

Or a great pink cowgirl hat?

Happy four months as a family of five to us!!

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

3 Months Home with Vivi

Dear Vivi -

It's been three months since we got off of a plane and introduced you to your new life.  Three months since the little face we had seen in pictures for almost a year was suddenly live before us and sleeping in your bed.  Three months since your particular brand of sunshine first lit up our lives.

What do we know about you at three months home?  Sometimes it feels like we know an awful lot about you, and sometimes it feels like we don't know anything at all.  It's hard getting to know a newborn when you first bring one home from the hospital, and it's just as hard getting to know a 2-year-old who has already started to form her likes and dislikes and some of her basic personality traits.  But we're working hard to get to know and take care of you and make sure that you know that you are loved. Always.

You have done so much since the last time I wrote.  Maybe the most important thing is that you got to meet your Grandma!  She took care of your brothers for part of the time that we were in China coming to get you, and she just loved them like crazy when we were concentrating on loving you.  You met her over Skype, but that is just not the same as being together in person.

Here you are, little miss girly-girl, hanging out at the airport waiting for Grandma's plane to land.

I can just see you thinking, "Hmmm, you look familiar..."

Finally a hug!

This is the best picture I could get of all four of you.  You were clearly more interested in Grandma's ipad than my camera, which is par for the course - in our house, a visitor's ipad is always more entertaining than anything else.

Herding cats. :)

You visited Liam's class for his Valentine's Day party.  You were not at all pleased at being told you could not participate in class activities, although I suspect the candy and food that you did get made up for it.

You have lots of toys of your own but like any other 2-year-old, you're only interested in what you shouldn't have - your brothers' beloved Legos.

We had our first family photo session, and our friend Melissa caught your love for your Daddy on film.

 

She caught you love that you have for your brothers and that they have for you on film.

She also caught what it is really like most days. :)

YOU GOT YOUR WALKER!!!  Well you got your loaner but you got a walker!!!  This was such an incredible milestone.  We have known almost since we met you that you had a deep desire to walk everywhere. And you want to go where you want to go when you want to go. You have just come alive even more with this newfound independence.  The physical therapist showed you how to use it, and you just took off.  It was hard not to cry right there in the therapy room.  Your first time walking all on your own was so beautiful to see.

 

 

We went to Orlando and met some friends from PA.  You took the opportunity to test your walker out everywhere on the hotel property.

 

You watched your father and brothers paddleboat from the balcony of our room.

That face was a nice change from the one that I got when I told you that you couldn't go on the boat with them.

 

Aunt Steph does therapy for kids just like you and she took great delight - isn't it obvious!!! - in helping you to stand all by yourself!  I want you to know that I cry every single time I look at this picture because I can see the joy in her face...

 

...and I know that this was the joy on yours at the same time.

 

You met me at the finish line of the race after I ran the Disney Princess Half Marathon.  Notice who's wearing the medal? I fully believe that one day we will do this race together, little one.

Your favorite ride at Disney is the merry-go-round.  "Horsey! Horsey!"

You bowled for the first time. Your brothers thought that was so great.

We're still getting to the bottom of some of your medical issues.  Being at hospitals at all hours of the morning isn't the most fun thing to do, but you liven it up by greeting everyone with a big "Hi!" and insisting that the nurses give you a hat ("Hat peez! Hat peez!") so that you can be just like them.  No one should be able to accessorize in your presence without making you part of the fun.

We ate ice cream together on a warm day. A simple pleasure.

Three months, and you have carved out a place that is all yours in our hearts. We love that we continue to marvel at you, and wonder what we did when you weren't around.  Stay spunky, Vivi-cakes!

Love,
Mommy and Daddy